The Day Called X: How to Survive a Nuclear Attack

These vintage government films try to convince the average citizen that nuclear war is no big deal. After you get over that pesky radiation sickness, you'll be back to work in no time, at least until the next major nuclear exchange.

THE DAY CALLED 'X' (1955): Glenn Ford hosts this chilling vision of what could happen on the day the bomb falls...The Day Called 'X'! For this Civil Defense documentary, 10,000 people in Portland, Oregon ("more or less the size of Hiroshima", according to Ford) staged a mass evacuation of the city to simulate a nuclear attack. (To avoid another Orson Welles War of the Worlds panic, a disclaimer that reads "AN ATTACK IS NOT TAKING PLACE" runs across the screen every few minutes.) Unbelievably, we are shown that the entire civilian population of Portland could get to safety in thirty-six minutes. This is most likely the reason the Office of Civil Defense declared The Day Called 'X' out-of-date in 1965, pulling it from circulation in schools.

OUR CITIES MUST FIGHT (1951): Staged as a conversation between a hard-boiled newsman and his editor, Our Cities Must Fight implores Americans to stay in their homes after the A-bomb falls...so they can fight the invading Russian forces hand-to-hand! "The danger of...well... 'lingering radiation' is not really very serious." In fact, according to the crusading editor, it's "over within a minute and a half!"

THE HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE (1954): Presented by 'The National Clean Up-Paint Up-Fix Up Bureau', The House in the Middle shows that a new, freshly-painted house will stand up to a nuke better than its delipidated counterparts. Keeping it neat and tidy will help block out those bothersome radioactive rays, too! 'The National Clean Up-Paint Up-Fix Up Bureau' was really The National Paint, Varnish & Lacquer Association, who were eager to get people to buy more buckets of house paint.

RADIOLOGICAL DEFENSE (1961): "As every youngster learns today, there is nothing new or mysterious about radiation." Narrator John Forsythe explains that radioactive fallout isn't fatal, as long as we take shelter before the bomb hits. The Dynasty star even says that a little radiation can be good for you! Undercutting the film's upbeat message is the spooky stock music composed by William Loose and Fred Steiner, later used in Night of the Living Dead (1968).

ABOUT FALLOUT (1963): With abstract UPA-style animation and a strident narrator, About Fallout aims to put to rest any remaining fears Americans might have about an impending nuclear warhead. Fallout is actually perfectly fine to breathe, because it "is not a poisonous gas!" Even the food remains good, no matter how much radiation hits it! The film concludes with our host reassuring us that "all life on earth has reached its present form in the company of radiation. It has always been with us. It's nothing new." Well, that clears that up!