New 'Battleship' trailer deserves a white peg for a MISS

Posted Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 2:53 PM Central
Last updated Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 4:44 PM Central

by John Couture

There are few things that I despise more in Hollywood than useless remakes and sequels. However, if I were to pick one thing that gets my dander up more, it would be films banking on name recognition to get people excited.

Case in point, Battleship.

The only thing about the movie that even remotely resembles the game is the name. But Universal is banking on that name cachet to resonate with 30 somethings who will (hopefully for them) flock to the megaplexes with their children to relive their youth.

The only problem is that the movie they will see won't bear any resemblance whatsoever with the popular Hasbro game. The same thing can be said for his weekend's release 21 Jump Street. For those of you looking for the gritty crime procedural transformed onto the big screen, I have bad news for you.

21 Jump Street is more Superbad than CSI.

And before you start "jumping" down my throat, my criticism has nothing to do with them in terms of quality. They might both be great films, although I highly doubt it in the case of Battleship. But, it's the blatant bait-and-switch that I have a problem with.

What's next a Canadian hockey school gross-out comedy called Degrassi?

My main gripe about Battleship is that I never sat down and played the game and thought about aliens or Transformers. If you're going to make a movie called Battleship, make it a naval battle between two fleets. Think The Hunt for Red October.

Each trailer that they release only enrages me more and makes the likelihood that I'll ever watch the movie approach zero. With that in mind, I present to your trailer #3.

I guess if you're serious withdrawal over the lack of a Transformers movie this Summer, this will help to ease the pain. But, I really can't believe that anyone would look at these trailers without knowing what movie they are for and say, 'Oh yeah, this must be that movie based on that game I played as a kid.'

Battleship sails into theaters on May 18, 2012. I just can't wait to use the headline, "Poor box office sinks Battleship."