Ew, Gross! Our top 10 memorable movie moments involving bodily fluids
Posted Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 4:32 PM Central
by John Couture
According to Wikipedia, the following is a list of body fluids:
- Amniotic fluid surrounding a fetus
- Aqueous humour
- Bile
- Blood and blood plasma
- Cerumen also known as earwax
- Cowper's fluid or pre-ejaculatory fluid
- Chyle
- Chyme
- Female ejaculate
- Interstitial fluid
- Lymph
- Menses
- Breast milk
- Mucus (including snot and phlegm)
- Pleural fluid
- Pus
- Saliva
- Sebum (skin oil)
- Semen
- Serum
- Sweat
- Tears
- Urine
- Vaginal lubrication
- Vomit
- Water
- Feces, while not generally classed as a body fluid, are often treated similarly to body fluids, and are sometimes fluid or semi-fluid in nature.
So, if you're squeamish about any of the above topics or you were grossed out and skipped ahead to this paragraph, you might want to turn back now because this whole list is nothing but an homage to those memorable moments in bodily fluids.
Ever since we were kids, urine and feces were often the source of many comedic moments, so it's only natural that this obsession with body fluids would find its way into movies. And while it took some time for potty humor to become widespread, the proliferation of body fluid jokes in film over the last 20 years has been tremendous.
Some directors like Kevin Smith practically make a living in said genre, while others won't touch the stuff with a ten foot pole. But one thing is for certain, if you want a quick laugh, insert any body fluid and mix well.
So, without further ado, we present our list of the top 10 most memorable instances of bodily fluids in films. Again, this list is not for the prudish or squeamish.
Body fluid humor can even be found in the highest grossing movie of all-time. Here Leo teaches Kate Winslet's character the finer points of spitting. This little lesson doesn't go over so swimmingly for the upper crust society that Rose is espoused to. While most body fluid moments tend to go for the gross out, this one makes the list as being one of the non-sappy memorable moments in Titanic.
Jenny McCarthy wrote and starred in this critical bomb that has found a subversive audience of loyal devotees. And since she wrote it, I give her extra credit for writing a scene set in a supermarket in which she instantly menstruates a puddle or lake. As a guy, I'm not as well-versed in female menstruation as some of our readers, but I'm pretty sure that menses blood doesn't flow that fast. So, she gets bonus points for writing her own disgusting use of body fluid.
If there's one thing that Quentin Tarantino's movies never lack, it's a healthy dose of blood. And from his volume of work, it's only fitting that we select the Crazy 88 sequence from Kill Bill: Vol. 1. This sequence was so bloody that theatrically they had to present parts of this montage in black and white because it was too bloody. I don't have any specific evidence, but I'm willing to bet that ounce for ounce, this scene is probably the bloodiest ever put on film.
While there are a couple of body fluid scenes to choose from in this movie, we ultimately went with the open beer container scene when the cop stops Lloyd and Harry and accuses them of boozing it while driving. They try and explain that they have been using the empty bottles for their urine to cut down on rest stops, but it's too late as the cop downs a big swig of urine. I remember first seeing this scene and rolling around on the floor in stitches. Something tells me that it probably doesn't hold up all too well, but it's still one of the top 10 scenes.
Early DVD reviews of the unrated version of Hancock tell of a deleted scene being put back in the movie that involves Hancock and a lady friend going back to his trailer to engage in a little fornication. Well, apparently his super powers extend to his sperm as there's a scene put back into the movie where his super sperm shoots holes into the ceiling of his trailer. Simply the potential of this laugh inducing moment is enough to get it on this list. I guess we'll have to wait until November 25, to be sure.
This is another movie where we could have pointed to any number of bodily fluids being bandied about for comic relief, but the one that stands out the most is the semen in the beer that Stifler eventually drinks. I think what makes this sequence so compelling and memorable is the absolute level of prick that Stifler builds up before he takes a swig of the semen-laced beer. You're almost left cheering while you grab your stomach in horror.
Take off eh! This scene is one of my all-time favorite moments in movies and it would be higher on this list if Tim hadn't talked some sense into me. The scene of course is when Bob McKenzie climbs into a beer vat and drinks the entire thing dry leaving him the size of a house and ready to burst with a "wicked piss." His prolific peeing is enough to put out a raging fire at the brewery and even comes with a job offer from the local fire department.
For those that have seen the movie, they will know right away about the stool water and liquified feces scene to which I am referring. For the rest of you, I can only implore you to go to the theaters and see this movie. The whole film is hilarious, but this particular scene in question is also a warning for the potential pitfalls of anal sex.
Anyone that can puke gallons and gallons of pea soup green nastiness and turn her head completely around is just too nasty for me. Ultimately, it's a powerful scene from a classic movie that has been spoofed countless times. For the sheer longevity and admiration from other filmmakers, this scene makes our list.
Anyone got a little hair gel? This sequence that starts with Ben Stiller doing a little pre-date ritual and ends with him being unable to find his ejaculate really opened the door to sperm no longer being taboo. I remember a funny story that Kevin Smith likes to tell about an early draft of Mallrats in which sperm travels over a fitting room barrier and lands in a woman's hair being cut out of the script by the studio as being too risque. In retrospect, Kevin Smith would have been a trail blazer for this scene in which sperm is used by Cameron Diaz as hair gel, causing her hair to stick straight up.
So, if you've made it this far then you've got a strong stomach for gross and unsettling bodily fluids. At this point, we would love to know how we did. Better yet, if you have any great moments in bodily fluids, feel free to share them with us.